XVII

A LIFE OF HIDDEN SERVICE

LIKE so many of the saints Teresa had a very deep appreciation of the feasts and seasons of the Church. On Trinity Sunday she wrote: [429] "Blessed be the most holy Trinity and undivided Unity now and for evermore, Amen. I love this feast so much, and all this time with its beautiful feasts are days of celestial peace and holy joy days of love so exquisite that words cannot express them. Oh how grateful it makes us feel that we are children of His Church; how thankful that we are nourished with its divine truths and fed and regenerated by His holy Sacraments.

"Corpus Christi. I wish you dear Rev. Father a really happy feast in holiness. You will see that I commenced this letter on Sunday but did not finish it. I have been nearly all day with our dear divine Lord drinking in the nectar of His sweetness, hovering round this chalice that inebriates, that makes music within us, feeding on its memory, feasting on its anticipation, gazing deep down in the ocean of His love, asking much for each and all, praising, adoring and thanking Him, trying to make reparation for myself and others. And He has given us His divine benediction; may we give Him all the glory we are capable of."

Year by year she followed Our Lord closely through all the stages of His earthly life.

The beautiful feast of Christmas was always a time of especial joy and consolation to her. In 1896 she wrote to Father Snow:

[470] "You say rightly our dear Lord does indeed give me happy feasts and fills me with joy and peace so sublime and sweet that it would be useless for me to attempt to explain: "Eye hath not seen nor ear heard" etc. etc. I often feel as if our Lord were really giving me my Heaven upon earth, and I do so little in return, yet I know that the smallest act I now perform is of far greater value and gives a far greater degree of accidental glory to the adorable Trinity than the greatest I did some years ago. May His holy Name be praised and blessed daily more and more.

"I seem to understand so well how little I can do and how short time is in which we can do anything for Him, that I am afraid of doing anything that might prevent me, I mean that I take more care of myself, remaining in bed when I feel very tired even for three or four hours and sometimes all night, only rising for a short time and returning to bed again; but as far as I can remember, you told me some years ago that this feeling was not from the devil, but that since our divine Lord, my Spouse and only Treasure, had united Himself so closely to me, there was not the same necessity for these things that there was before. So I have not the slightest scruple about it, only thought it better to mention it again as it has several times come into my mind to do so. And in the little room where I now am, I can as it were look straight into His tabernacle. It used to be a part of the choir and was boarded off and I know walls cannot separate us. Besides the home He has made for Himself in the very centre of my poor soul, I have Him so near in the Blessed Sacrament of His Love."

As Lent drew on, she once again accompanied Our Lord on His way to Calvary.

[472] "I am sure in your compassion you will pray very fervently for me during the remainder of this Holy Week. Although I do not often write, yet I always feel that you pray for me and beg our dear Blessed Lord to ever have me in His holy keeping.

"Though from time to time, our dear Lord has graciously allowed me to participate in His sorrow and sufferings, yet I have been able to teach nearly the whole of the year, and this week I am attending most of the meditations and considerations of the retreat, but I am very weak and cowardly and I fear that I may give way in some way or other. You know me of old, how much I tell our dear Lord I wish to do for Him and souls, and when I have the chance I behave like a base coward that I am, oh God help me. Looking into the soul of our Lord our divine Spouse as He has shown me, what a garden of pleasure the human soul should be for the thrice adorable Trinity, and what glory it is capable of giving to its Creator and Lord, and how, on the other hand, it is such a terrible horror to spoil the image and likeness of God therein, my fear increases more and more; and in this dreadful darkness that now encompasses me I see nothing but desolation and misery within and without. I say over and over again, Jesus my true and only good, I wish for naught but Thee, behold me all Thine own, my God do what Thou wilt with me. And it echoes back like a mockery, for I do not feel one bit of it, and I dreadfully fear that I may have more when I feel I cannot continue with what I have. I know He will not desert those who trust in His tender fatherly love, yet I am so mean and weak and worthless. Pray for me and ask good Father Powell, Mary, to pray also."

She had followed closely in the Way of the Cross and, when Easter came, our Lord allowed her to share too in the triumph of His glorious Resurrection.

The following beautiful letters were written at Easter, 1897.

APRIL 1897.

[473] "May the peace of our dear Lord and His celestial joy be yours at this holy Easter time, and may our souls be ever glorious palaces and worthy habitations for the King of Kings to rest in. Truly He has led captivity captive. He has slain our enemies and broken the fetters that in any way tethered us, and made the citadel a strong fortress by His presence within. He has enriched it with His spoils and decorated it with the rich treasures purchased with His precious Blood. The golden walls are studded with celestial jewels. The throbbing of the poor human heart are as little wavelets beating against the crystal sea wherein the divinity rests in the very centre of the soul, the secret chamber where our risen Lord at times allows His poor little spouse to enter and forget herself in His loving embrace. He is proud of His dwelling and what He has made it. You will, I am sure, think me foolish but it seems to me a false humility to be silent when the God of love and wisdom has lavished upon us. The work is His and the glory thereof, and if He is magnified when we extol His gifts in nature, how much more when we sing His praises for the supernatural gifts He so magnificently bestows upon the soul, for deigning to dwell in so wondrous a manner within us. I have sung with my whole heart with our dear Blessed Lady, our Mother, 'My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Saviour, because He has regarded the humility of His handmaid.' Because I was empty He has filled me to overflow. May His holy Name be blessed for ever and ever."

Again our Lord impressed her with His great desire to be honoured in His sacred Head.

APRIL 23 1897

[474] "Our dear divine Lord has not told me positively when the Devotion will be authentically established, but He frequently shows me the glory that will be given to the thrice Holy and Adorable Trinity through the devotion to the Sacred Head and Holy Soul. He has shown me lately more and more how great a glory can be given to God and what a worthy temple He can make the human soul for the adorable Trinity to dwell in. And when a soul such as mine for instance, can give such glory to Him and be so pleasing in His sight, how much more the Adorable and Divine Soul of Jesus Christ. How proud the Holy Trinity must be of Their work in His Soul when our dear Divine Lord showed me how proud He was of His work in mine.

"When I have felt the time so long and felt that I was perhaps the real cause of its delay, Our dear Lord has shown me how pleasing my longing was in His sight, and very clearly He has made me understand that all things are present to Him. And when I have said, 'How long dear Lord, how long shall I not see Your wish accomplished', then I understand that it will very shortly be fulfilled — but all time is but as a second to His Eternity, that I do not know when. Then again I have seen little silver streams of light as it were threading their way through different places of the earth, and our dear Lord gave me to understand that in these places the Devotion was practised and they are ever increasing...

"I am most grateful to our dear Lord, for this year I did not miss holy Mass one day during Lent. I even got down on Maundy Thursday for holy Communion, though at times I was very ill. Each year I can bear so much more and show it less, I mean I can bear up under it better, not being obliged to go to bed. I did not go to bed after holy Mass on Wednesday and Thursday, and stayed in all Good Friday."

In the summer she again visited Neston and, before returning to Edinburgh, she went by urgent request to stay for a few weeks with some friends at Clacton-on-Sea. While there, she went over to the Convent of the Canonesses of the Holy Sepulchre where, to her great joy, she found that the nuns had long been practising the Devotion to the Sacred Head. "How kind of our dear Blessed Lord to give me so many little pleasures", she writes.

[478] In the same letter she tells how she went to confession and was afraid the priest was not going to give her absolution; "He said that 'disobedience' was not sufficient matter. However, after a little, he asked if the priest I usually went to gave me absolution and who did I go to — then he asked me how long was it since I committed the sin¹, and how old I was now; he gave it to me in the end, but I think he hardly liked doing it."

At Christmas she was back in Edinburgh.

"AMDG AVE JESU AVE MARIA.              
"ST. CATHERINE'S CONVENT.      
"EDINBURGH,        
"27. 12. 1898.

[502] "DEAR REV. FATHER,

"Peace and joy in Our Lord. I don't think it is possible for us to find words to express what these words really mean. To those only whom God in His tender compassion and Fatherly tenderness has allowed to taste, they only can understand what they mean. As the year is drawing to a close, naturally we look back to see what we have done for Him who has done so much for us; what we have rendered to the Lord in return for all His mercy and goodness to us. And as usual I find my hands empty. Every year He seems to find new ways and means of proving His Infinite Love and all I can do is to give myself unreservedly to Him that He may do with me what He pleases. May His holy and adorable Will be done in us and by us and all creatures in time and eternity.

"I love to consider even as Mary was a Ciborium, the first Ciborium, so our souls are too. And as I think of the joy that filled the heart of Mary as she carried her God and Son about with her, I feel He is always with me too. He allows me to call Him my own, and I feel quite inundated with joy and a sweet peace that no words can express. He so often too brings before me what He has done for me, and I repeat again and again the Magnificat, and each time I say it, it seems better to express what I would say to Him.

"During our Quarant Ore when I was entreating our dear Divine Lord to enlighten the minds of men by the Wisdom of His Sacred Head, and show Himself as He really is that all hearts might love Him, all tongues praise Him and all minds bend in adoration and in obedience to His teaching — I reminded Him as I often do of His expressed wish to have His Sacred Head honoured as the seat of Divine Wisdom. He brought before me very clearly how He had wished at the same time to have the mystery of the Incarnation preached and the Rosary said, as a means of teaching the people better the mysteries of the Incarnation, and that that was being done and so the Church was preparing the world for the practice of the Devotion to the Sacred Head and Holy Soul. He showed me how His Word was an act, that what He says must be, and I have felt a great delight and secret joy when I think of it or say or hear of others saying the Holy Rosary.

"I am sure this is a very funny letter, but if you understand what I mean that is enough.

"Begging God and our dear Lady to remember what you have done for me and to repay you according to the greatness of their majesty. Thanking you and begging your prayers and blessing, I remain dear Rev. Father,

"Your obedient and loving child,                         
"In the Sacred Head and loving Heart,     
"TERESA HIGGINSON.     
"Enfant de Marie, Tert. of St. Francis."

About this time Archbishop Vaughan made a most earnest appeal for the Foreign Missions, a work in which Teresa had always taken a keen interest — in fact, it was the one to which she would most gladly have devoted her life, in the hope of final martyrdom. Many years ago she had told Father Powell how ardently she had desired this grace and how our Lord Himself had come and given her the martyr's palm:

[87] "Oh my Father, I have such a longing to do something for souls and to shed the last drop of my poor miserable life's blood for Him who is my only Treasure; and as I craved this favour from Him, He Himself appeared well pleased with my desire and presented me with that palm which I have so long desired, not only bearing leaves but most fragrant and sweet scented blossoms. May it not be His holy Will that I should go out to Africa, for there is little chance here, at least so far as I can see, to win the martyr's palm."

Then, feeling that in such a death there could be naught but joy, she begged that she might at least be allowed to shed her blood for those who were her enemies: "I have said, Lord, there could not be any pain or sacrifice in dying actually for Thee, that bliss is too great for me, but may I not like Thee, oh Lord, die for those who would injure me if any such there be — at least that one may I spare, who wishes me most wrong. But Thy holy Will is my only desire. May it be done in all things on earth as it is in Heaven."

And now again, on hearing of the archbishop's appeal, she wrote to Father Snow asking whether she ought not to offer herself for service in the mission field.

[504] 12 Jan. 1899. "May the pure love of God and a desire to fulfil His adorable Will in all things reign in our hearts for ever. I received your letter of the 9th, and am most grateful to you and thank you for it; and although I cannot say that our dear divine Lord and Master wishes me to go on the foreign missions, yet for a long time, as I think I have several times told you, He urges me to offer myself to do something for Him and I say, 'Behold me all Thine own my God, do what Thou wilt with me'; or 'Behold Thy handmaid' etc. etc. or 'Lord what wilt Thou have me to do? Teach me to do Thy holy Will for Thou art God.'

"Then my health is much improved and I look well and stronger than I used to be (as you know). And I think I told you that I took more rest and I am taking more food, and you told me not to take corporal punishment, yet I do not think I have any desire for it or mortifications as I used to have. And as I do not know really whether some of this comes from self-love, yet on the other hand I have a strong inclination to give these things (not the mortifications) to the body in order to make it able to undertake and do better whatever our divine Lord wishes me to do, at least so it seems to me. And as I was told the Archbishop (Vaughan) made a touching appeal for people to go out to foreign missions, I thought that perhaps that was what He wanted me to do. Yet I have not that enthusiasm about it as I used to have. My only desire is to do His holy Will as perfectly as I can...

"Of course I go to Holy Communion every morning at Mass, but our dear divine Lord has not given me holy Communion at other times during the day or night as He so often did a few years back, neither do I desire it as I now have the thrice adorable Trinity and the Sacred Humanity present within me in a most sublime manner. Yet this does not express correctly what I would say, for I understand each day more perfectly that we and all things are in God as the fish is in the water, and at times He saturates us in such a manner as we become like bread steeped in wine or water. There is something so subtle in this presence of God in His mansion in the soul, or the soul in Him, that I cannot explain — yet I know you understand. There is such a close union that I have only one desire and that is to do His Holy Will perfectly. He is a true and loving Spouse, one who seems to forget His Infinite Majesty in His loving caresses for the soul who wishes to please Him. When I sometimes ask Him to let me do something for Him before I die, that I may not appear before Him at death empty-handed, He makes me understand that one act of love since our union (on the 24th Oct. at Clitheroe) gives Him greater glory than anything I did before. Then I feel such firm confidence, holy joy, and I may say celestial peace that I think I have no desires and no wish to do anything in particular, and no fear only to offend Him. I often wonder how He can trust me as He does. Though this worm is so mean and cowardly and but dust and ashes, worse than nothing, yet she knows how rich she is, what virtues He has given her, and she (I mean the soul) feels as if she could sing His praises if she could for all the world to hear.

"It is a long time since I wrote about my soul and, though I may have told you all these things before, yet I feel that it relieves me to do it again. I think I sing the Magnificat oftener now than ever. I used once to think when my beloved Spouse took me to Thabor that He did so to prepare me for Gethsemane and Calvary, but now I do not think anything about whether on Thabor or under the Cross, I feel now I can say from my inmost being, 'My Lord, it is good for me to be here.'

"I am sure you will smile when you read this as you know how basely cowardly I am when crosses and desolation come upon me. Pray for me my Father as I always do for you and good Father Powell, for I know what I owe both to the one and the other, and I am grateful and ask our dear Lord to bless and reward you according to His kingly greatness and make us all saints that together we may sing His praises and love for all eternity."

To this Father Snow replied as follows:—

"ST. MARY'S,              
"AUGHTON,        
"ORMSKIRK.
"13th Feb. 1899.

"MY DEAR CHILD,

"The letter you sent me just a month ago about the present state of your soul interested me very much, and I thank our Blessed Lord again and again for all the wonderful graces He has given to you. All that you say quite agrees with the teaching of St. John of the Cross who was enabled by our Blessed Lord to write most beautifully and clearly (as far as such things can be made clear) about the state of the highest union of the soul with God that can be attained in this life. Our Blessed Lord has made you understand that one act of love since your union gives Him greater glory than anything you did before. So also St. John teaches that one prayer for the Church is more efficacious than any amount of active work. This is why I urged you at the time to give as much time as possible to prayer, though when you told me that outward occupations did not prevent you praying while you were doing them, I was satisfied to let you do such good charitable works as came in your way. In one sense we are all empty-handed, in another sense no soul in the state of grace is empty-handed. It is His own works that our Lord rewards in us. He has done great works in you by raising you to this degree of union and thereby enables you to do great things for Him in a single act of love or the most momentary petition for the needs of the Church."

In July, 1899, Teresa received an urgent letter from her sisters begging her to go home and help them. Fanny, always an invalid, was very ill, and Louisa felt unable both to nurse her and to carry on her duties in the school. Teresa wrote at once to Father Snow:

[508] "You know dear Rev. Father that I shall be quite glad to do whatever you think best, but where home is concerned I would never trust myself to decide, for naturally I have an intense love for my family and a deep sympathy for whatever concerns them."

This is one of the rare occasions on which Teresa lifts the veil with which she so carefully shrouded the deep affections of her heart.

Father Snow of course consented to her going and she left the convent, little thinking it was a last farewell. She took her leave of the nuns who had been so kind to her, fully expecting shortly to return, but in point of fact she never again went back to Scotland. She stayed at Neston until her sisters had recovered and no longer required her help, and then began to consider the idea of once more taking up her teaching. She wrote as usual to consult Father Snow.

[512] "What I said about taking a school, of course I meant if you thought it would be for His greater honour and glory for me to do so. You know I have all that I could wish for at dear St. Catherine's, and far more than I deserve, and it would be very ungrateful of me not to acknowledge all the kindnesses and goodness I have received from the dear nuns, and I should be very sorry to leave as I look upon the convent as home while I am here. My room is next to the Church, and I can get holy Mass every morning without going out, make a visit when I please, and am continually under the one roof with Him which I regard as it is a real privilege and honour. But I think you understand me and know that so far as I am concerned, I have no wish either one way or the other, but willing and waiting to do whatever you think is the best."

For the moment no post was forthcoming, and she went to stay with her friends, the Garnetts. Miss Maggie Garnett had been for many years mistress of Father Snow's school at Aughton, and her sister Annie lived with a brother in Liverpool where she kept a little shop. They were in great difficulty at the time, owing to the serious illness of another sister, and Father Snow suggested that Teresa should go and help them. She was only too glad to be of use, and Miss Garnett declares that in spite of their troubles, the time of her stay with them was the happiest of their lives. They called her Little Mother and she did all she could to help and cheer them. When not required at home she would slip away to church, revelling in the rich religious life of the great city.

[528] "How can I thank our dear divine Lord for all His loving kindness to me. I get three holy sacrifices every morning and sometimes four, besides Benediction nearly every evening, and visits to the churches where the Quarant Ore is going on. You know as well as I how little I deserve these favours, and I wish you to join with me in thanking Him for them and also for allowing me to drink of the drops that flow from His chalice of suffering and desolation. Though I mention suffering last, yet I know its precious worth and look upon it as a great grace and as a caress from our thorn-crowned and crucified Spouse. You know how cowardly I am, so I know you do and will continue to pray that I may not offend Him or give way in anything. I am all His and He must do with me just as He pleases. Though during the last few days and nights I have suffered much, Deo gratias, I am able to go about and do all the little kindnesses I came to do for dear Annie."

At one time Miss Maggie came home very ill, and Teresa helped to nurse her. During her convalescence she did all she could to cheer the invalid and would sing and dance round the room to amuse her. Sometimes she would pat her on the shoulder and say: "Now, my dear, if you are very good I will dance for you in my shorts!" She would then slip off her skirt and proceed to dance a pas seul in her flannel petticoat!

One day seeing Annie was worn out with her nursing, Teresa put her into a chair saying: "My dear, you are not to run up and down stairs any more. Sit there and I will tell you a story."

She then told the following curious little tale.

She once found some children teasing and making fun of an idiot boy who was known as Silly Billy. She sent them off and took the child to his home. Some time afterwards she heard that Silly Billy was dying and she went to the house, where she found him lying quite unconscious on his bed. The mother begged her to pray for him. She at once knelt down and began to do so. All of a sudden the child, who had never spoken in his life, sat up with wide-open eyes and cried aloud: "What does Silly Billy see? Three in One, and One in Three", and fell back on his pillow dead.

As usual Teresa was very retiring and, though she was always eager to help in any way she could, she kept as far as possible in the background so that no casual visitor to the house even suspected there was anything in the least remarkable about her.

At Easter she wrote to Father Snow:

23. 4. 00.

[529] "Resurrexit sicut dixit, Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! I wish you the fullness of Easter joys and that peace which our dear Lord gave to His apostles. How beautifully the church expresses the feelings of the soul at this holy season, and how thoroughly the soul echoes and re-echoes the praises of her Lord and her God in His glorious resurrection. Oh how good is God! How abundantly He rewards the poor little nothings that we do for Him and the love of Him. Oh that I had the hearts of all the creatures to love Him with! the tongues of all to praise Him and the senses of all to serve. My will is His and His adorable Will is all I desire. I am my Lord's and He is mine.

"Today is the feast of St. George and I have assisted at three Masses, and received Holy Communion for the conversion of our much-loved land. What thousands of prayers are being said every day for the return of England to the faith of our forefathers, and yet how far away so many are from the barque of Peter and the Sacred Heart of our dear Lord, and yet Mary is still our Mother and England her Dower.

"I commenced this last week but had to leave it to do something that was wanted. This is my little Nazareth and I have great joy in doing the little needfuls. Do you know, when I thought I was not going back to the convent, I told our dear Lord that He knew what was best for me, yet I fear I had a feeling that I was losing something — and how ashamed of myself I have been when I found that He had really prepared more for me than I could possibly get at the convent. Three and sometimes four Masses, a nice visit and Benediction nearly every night besides being able to visit the different churches where the Quarant Ore was going on. I am ashamed and really sorry for my want of confidence. I know I do not deserve these favours from His Hands and yet how tenderly He caresses and how lovingly He chides. Let us at least learn to know Him as He is so that we may love and serve Him as He deserves.

She was always most careful to keep the feast of the Sacred Head on the octave of that of the Sacred Heart, the day specially appointed by our Lord for its celebration. In this year (1900) she wrote to Father Powell.

[532] "May you have a really happy and holy feast day! Oh how admirably is the devotion to the Sacred Head and holy Soul adapted to the wants of the present day, perhaps more than in any of the past ages. For now, more than ever there seems to be a division between the intellect and the heart. There is a want of discipline as the powers in the same personality are ever warring against the other, and there is no union between the intellect and heart, and the practising of this devotion teaches us to see things in their proper light and makes us love the things of God and despise the deceitful glare and empty bubbles of vanity and sin — brings as it were these two parts together, and unites them even as the devotion to the Sacred Head and loving Heart are united and are one. For the devotion to the Sacred Heart is completed in the devotion to the Sacred Head and Holy Soul.

"Oh Wisdom of the Sacred Head, guide us in all our ways!

"Oh love of the Sacred Heart consume us with Thy fire! Make our hearts love and our wills bend to all that we see and know is for God's greater glory, no matter what it may cost us."

In September a great and joyful undertaking broke into the outwardly uneventful course of her life. It was the year of the Jubilee, and one of her Edinburgh friends, Mrs. Fleck, took her on a long-desired visit to Rome. Unfortunately there is no record in her own writings of this pilgrimage. Either she did not write or her letters have been destroyed, but Mrs. Fleck has been able to supply some details of their journey. They met in London and crossed over to Dieppe, sleeping a night in Paris. Next day they visited the most famous churches and proceeded by the night train to Genoa. Here they had to wait some hours and found Benediction at a church close to the station. They arrived in Rome at nine in the morning and went straight to the Scots College, whose rector, Mons. Fraser, was a friend of Mrs. Fleck's. Unfortunately he and all the students were away at their summer house at Marino. However they managed to find rooms at the Hotel Minerva, where they came across an old gentleman, Mr. Smith, who was very kind to them. He knew Rome very well and showed them round and got tickets for them for the Papal audience. There was an English pilgrimage in Rome at the time which they joined. Mrs. Fleck says that in spite of the crowds and their inexperience, they never found the slightest difficulty in getting about, and even managed to see several places of interest which the other pilgrims did not see. In fact, Teresa seemed to have a special guidance in all her actions. On the day of the audience, when everyone was struggling in the crowd to find a place, she and Mrs. Fleck went quietly up the stair past the papal guard and walked leisurely round, to find themselves close beside His Holiness. They were duly presented to Him with the other pilgrims, but, true to the rest of Teresa's hidden life, no outward sign marked this meeting between the chosen Spouse of Christ and His aged Vicar.

The travellers visited the Basilicas and all the chief places of interest in Rome, mounted the Scala Santa, and heard Mass in the Catacombs. On leaving Rome they spent a few days in Florence and then went on to Venice where they saw the Patriarch, afterwards Pope Pius X, in his cathedral of San Marco. Thence they proceeded to Padua and Assisi, which must have given great joy to Teresa, who was one of the Tertiaries of St. Francis. They knelt by his body in his beautiful church and then prayed at the tomb of St. Clare. They visited the little old convent of San Damiano, unchanged since the day when St. Clare herself inhabited it. They brought away some flowers from her little garden where St. Francis sang his hymn to Brother Sun, and they saw the miraculous crucifix which spoke to him. Afterwards they wandered among the olive trees on the hillside looking over the beautiful plain. They stayed the weekend at Milan to pay their respects to the famous shrines of St. Ambrose and St. Charles, and returned home via the St. Gothard and Lucerne, arriving in London in time to celebrate the feast of All Saints at the Brompton Oratory. In London they again met Mr. Smith, who begged to be allowed to take their photographs in memory of their pilgrimage. To this happy thought we are indebted for the only real portrait existing of Teresa. Mrs. Fleck says that Teresa spoke very little on their travels, though she was full of admiration and gratitude for everything and her sweet smile was more eloquent than words. Daily Communion was an absolute necessity to her, the Blessed Sacrament was her only sustenance. She sometimes drank a cup of tea, but never partook of any food, and this used to be remarked at the hotels so that Mrs. Fleck had to make excuses for her, saying that she was rather an invalid.

When they reached Liverpool, Teresa wrote to Father Snow:

[535] "May the adorable Name of Jesus be praised and blessed by us and His holy Will be perfectly accomplished in us at all times and places. Really I do not know what to say to you, my poor heart feels too full to speak when I think of all His tender care and kindness to this poor little worm."

Father Powell was taken seriously ill at this time, and Teresa went for a little to help to nurse him and then returned to her friends the Garnetts. In February of the following year she set out on another journey, this time to escort their invalid sister to Bruges. She seems thoroughly to have enjoyed the journey.

[544] "You will see from the above address that I am in Belgium. I had a very nice journey the whole way, leaving Liverpool from Central Station and arriving at Bruges between three and four. I had to stay in the waiting room here at the station till five o'clock. I managed to hear holy Mass and receive holy Communion at six, and assisted at two other Masses later on. There is a beautiful custom here of having exposition during seven o'clock Mass every Thursday and First Friday, then, as Saturday was the Purification, we had it during the last Mass, so I had a real little feast. Three Masses every morning, one of them a singing one with exposition and benediction, then we have benediction every evening as well. On Friday we visited the church and venerated the relic of the Precious Blood and assisted at a solemn requiem for the late governor, whose month's mind it was. How grand and solemn it was! They always are venerating relics here of one saint or another, and have grand processions. There is to be one tonight or this afternoon. I believe the principal persons and acts in the life of the saint are gone through and represented."

The following letter, also written from Bruges, is interesting as showing how she managed to turn every little event to the glory of God and the good of her neighbour.

"12 QUAI DES TEINTURIERS.           
"BRUGES.        
"12. 2. 01.

[545] "DEAR REV. FATHER,

"May the adorable names of Jesus and Mary be for ever blessed! Oh how wonderful are the ways of the dear good God. Here in this little old town of Bruges how many chosen there are, souls that truly love Him for His own sake and who delight to suffer for Him in both body and mind. I cannot tell you how edified I am with all I see, and how humbled I am before these noble and generous souls. There is one dear old lady, the wife of the late governor, R.I.P. who has suffered desolation for the last twelve years without one little gleam of consolation and who for the last seven years has had gangrene in her feet, one of which has fallen off and the other causes her such fearful pain that she writhes in agony. Yet she is so sweet and patient. This morning she received Holy Communion and I followed the procession which left the church as a guard of honour to our chosen Lord and King. (She is to undergo an operation at ten o'clock to cut the nerve in the remaining foot, and it is to be done during the Mass that is being offered for her at the church of St. Walburga.) She opened her heart as it were to me when I first saw her, and this seems to be a great consolation to her, for she says she is so reserved that she can speak to so few. I cannot tell you what a wretched little mite I feel beside her, but as I know humiliation is good for the soul I am grateful to Him for it. Then there is another loving and devoted child of His Sacred Heart whom I go very often to see — who is much like her friend that I have just spoken of, but she is not suffering such extreme agony of pain, but she has been obliged to sit in the one position for over twelve months, and not able to get out, but she has suffered fearfully in other ways for over twenty years. She loves Him so tenderly that His Holy and adorable Name is her consolation and delight. We really love each other and seem to know and understand each other without speaking many words. She has asked and told me many things of which she was in doubt and suffering about, and our dear divine Lord has made use of his poor little handmaid to give her comfort and consolation... When I have finished writing, I am going to sit with a poor old woman who is dying of decline, and she has a little orphan grandson, a cripple, for whom I have made a very pretty scrapbook which I hope will please the dear child.

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am to you for all your fatherly care and tender kindness to me, the very last of His little ones, and I feel ashamed of my expressing any desire to take a school or do anything else, for I see your wisdom in leaving me without a settled occupation, for if I had a school I should not have been able to do these little acts of charity. I always have the greatest confidence in my obedience to your wishes and each thing confirms it, for I know His greater glory is your only consideration."

After her return to Liverpool she wrote again to Father Snow:

[547] "How wonderful are the ways of God. You see I went to do a little kindness and our dear divine Lord made use of me to help and comfort many. I am sure you will pray for all who have asked my poor prayers. I thank Him for all and each, and also for the chances He has given me to practise humility. I know and you know that He who has taken up His abode within me is He who comforts and enlightens those whom He wishes me to help and strengthens those who are weak or in doubt. Oh my Father, what a great and noble Lord we serve, what a mighty and all powerful God He is under whose standard we fight. May He strengthen all our weakness and give us the grace that will make us saints, and great saints, that we may know, love and serve Him each day better here, that we may give Him all the glory we are capable of, for all eternity. I think it will be so hard if He is disappointed in us at the end."

Father Powell, her faithful friend and advisor, died on 26th December, 1901. She wrote to sympathise with Father Snow:

[552] "I trust I shall be able to prove my gratitude to our dear holy Father, E.P. R.I.P. by all the indulgences and holy sacrifices I can procure for him now. His death will in many ways be a sorrow to you, yet I know you will gain a great merit through it and give glory to our dear kind and loving Spouse who has taken him only a little while before us. He can do now a great deal more than he has ever done for the devotion and we shall soon have another dear advocate in Heaven to help and intercede for us now, and welcome us at the end of our journey home."

It was with Teresa, as with other saints, the more she advanced in the love of God the more she also loved her neighbour. Her growing sanctity in no way cut her off from her friends, in fact, she seemed to care for them more tenderly. After the death of Miss Maggie Garnett, which occurred a little later, she wrote:

[562] "I often think what a joy it will be in Heaven, to see and be with those whom we love and to feel that nothing can ever separate us. There will be no more parting."

When in June, 1902, Father Snow was made a Canon of the Diocese, she wrote to congratulate him.

[553] "I made a tridium of Masses for you praying that the Holy Ghost would enlighten your mind and inflame your heart and make you wise as a Solomon, and strong in goodwill as Samson was in natural strength, and humble as a real servant of God should be. For a canon without humility would be of little use. But I know how well you love humility and hate pride."

Seldom as Teresa refers in her later letters to her interior life, it is clear that she was all this time following closely in the footsteps of her Crucified Spouse. But now, as she so often said, it was different from of old. She no longer had that insatiable desire for suffering which had formerly consumed her — whether in Gethsemane or on Thabor, it was all one to her. It was not that the pain was less; on the contrary, she found that, since her Mystical Marriage, the periods of darkness were far more terrible than before and she dreaded them accordingly. But they did not disturb her peace — she knew that in God's own time they would pass and she realised with St. Paul that the sufferings of this time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that is to come.

[548] "May Jesus Christ be praised for ever for all His goodness and tender kindness to us", she wrote to Father Snow. "Well may you say that we could never thank Him enough in time, so He has given us an eternity to do it in. Though one is so full of dread and fear and suffers so terribly in the utter darkness and desolation that encompasses the soul in the hours of agonising anguish which seems as if it would annihilate her — when it is passed and she again sees Him enshrined in all His beauty and glory in the centre of the soul, when she basks in the sunshine of His divine presence, she forgets the death-struggle that has taken place and feels mean in speaking of that which seems then so little to have purchased such an increase of knowledge, peace, and glory and joy. She feels to understand so well what the holy Apostle St. Paul says about the sufferings etc. of this life."

She never ceased asking for prayers, for the greater the heights she trod, the deeper did her roots strike in humility, and she feared lest, left to her own weakness, she might even yet turn traitor. In the June of 1903, she wrote:

[560] "I must beg most earnestly of you to pray hard and frequently for me. You know how weak and cowardly I am, and though I know full well that my divine Spouse is near and will not leave me in my hour of need, yet I have a fearful dread and awful fear. May He be loved and praised by all. I trust Him yet I know and feel my own weakness terribly. I do not wish this suffering to be taken away, but pray that His holy, adorable, and amiable loving Will may be done in me and by me now and always. This day, the commemoration of the Precious Blood, should give me confidence. May He be praised for ever for all He has done and given to us through it."

In November of the same year she wrote:

[567] "Thank God I am much the same on the whole, but I have had two short spells of the most agonising desolation and trials I have ever passed through. May His adorable Name be blessed for ever Who is mindful of His poor little worm. And instead of being full of joy in suffering something for the glory of His Name and the good of the Church, I am full of fear and dread of the same thing returning. I know I am always a coward but I am worse than ever I was. May His Holy and adorable Will be fully accomplished in me and by me. I know you will pray earnestly for me that I may never turn traitor."

1. The sin she refers to, is doubtless the act of disobedience in her childhood which Father Snow later declared to have been, in his opinion, the only true matter she can have had for absolution.